Don't Take Anything Personally - Seriously?!

2011-10-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. You know the bible, well not The Bible, but the bible that was being touted a few years back called The Four Agreements; a simple little book filled with ethical codes of conduct that ordinary everyday people in the supermarket line would and often did quote from?

Here, let me remind you...they're short, pithy, easy to take in. One: Be Impeccable With Your Word. Two: Don't Take Anything Personally. Three: Don't Make Assumptions. Four: Always Do Your Best.

Well, on the whole I am, sort of, in agreement with these ideas and beliefs. You see I was born and raised Catholic and then fell head over heels in love with Anusara yoga and Tantrik philosophy as taught to me by my teachers. So either of these darshanas (points of view), are in alignment with living a moral and ethical life. Most people want that. Perhaps even Classical Patanjali might concur with the ideas set forth.

Let's start with One: Be Impeccable With Your Word. OK - how we speak, the tone of our voice, the words we say all hold power. We all know that. We can AGREE with that. We teach our children to use inside voices, not to say anything hurtful, please don't use potty talk, and if you can't say anything nice about someone, well don't say anything at all.

As for Two - I'll get back to that later.

Three: Don't Make Assumptions. It all comes down to communication. One of my Tantrik teachers, Dr. Douglas Brooks, defines yoga as an on going conversation. If we are in conversation, if we are communicating with one another, we can avoid the pitfalls of misunderstanding and misperceptions that the voices in our heads often lead us into.

Four: Always Do Your Best. Of course. Why wouldn't we? To do something with half an effort is well, it's a waste of time and energy. Anything worth putting your heart and effort into asks that you do it with passion. Passion is not passive.

It's Two - Don't Take Anything Personally that I take issue with. It doesn't tell the whole story. The Four Agreements states, " What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." While I support that the actions of others is revealing and tells us more about them than us, sometimes it does feel and is personally directed. Sometimes a betrayal, a lie, a thoughtless comment is totally meant to harm. Individuals choose to harm in the same way one chooses to comfort. Somewhere along the line an individual makes a choice to tear another down or hold them up. When you are the target of an arrow of ugliness aimed at your heart how can you not feel the intended pain when the goal is a great big OUCH! To deny that someone has mindfully intended you harm, to deny that a loved one has hurt you is to deny a very basic and human quality - we feel pain. Have you ever closed your finger in a car door, or grabbed a hot dish from the oven? It darn well hurts. Why is a hurt to our hearts, our souls, any different than a hurt to our physical body?

However, I circle back around again and believe that although the actions and words of another may and very often hurt us to the core, we too have a choice to make. How do we respond? After we pause and lick our wounds we can either lash out and engage in a battle of the wits, or we can recognize the pain that has initially motivated an individual to willingly and willfully strike out against us. We do not need to wear the hurt like a new coat of arms, nor do we need to embrace the pain as we do our beloved. We have choices - I love that part.

Tantrik teachings tell us that we have a choice to feel the pain, feel the ouch, be with it to its fullest and then as Pema Chodron says, "lay it down." Then get the heck out of the sandbox and go play at another park.

Step into the Flow

Don't Take Anything Personally - Seriously?!